Advice for Kate

 

Marriage is the alliance of two people,

one whom never remembers birthdays and

the other never forgets them.

~Ogden Nash

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Given the hype over the royal wedding (and those horrendous hats), I thought it only fitting to send my own marriage advice to Kate.  I'm fairly sure this is advice she has not received. 

1.  Buy a cookbook and a slow cooker.  You'll start off oh so happy to be a new wife and serve your husband's every need.  Then reality sits in and you find yourself with nothing but frozen chicken, a can of soup and absolutely no ambition to cook.  

2.  Let him have hobbies.  After all, he gets out of the house and you get to rule the remote!  There will come a day when you believe if you are forced to watch one more episode of Swamp People, you will either become one incredibly cranky woman or an alcoholic. 

3.  Have your mother visit.  If she's anything like mine, she'll do your laundry, clean your dirty house and help you regain your sanity.  

4.  Arrange for him to travel.  Again, you get to rule the remote and have the entire bed to yourself.  This is a luxury you won't want right now but trust me, you will.  Allow it to happen before you begin to imagine yourself smothering him with a pillow in the middle night just to stop the snoring so you can have one night of restful sleep.  

5.  Leverage appliances.  After all, for the rest of your married life, you will be the one using them predominantly.  If you must suffer that consequence, at least get the ones with all the bells and whistles.  Later, you'll find yourself secretly hoping one of them would rock your children to sleep and mop your floors.  

6.  Never go to bed mad.  While you secretly want him to be consumed by the reason you are upset, I guarantee you it will turn out to be his best night of sleep ever.  Meanwhile, you will worry enough for the both of you and likely be the only one losing sleep.  

7.  Remember your vows.  Yep, remember that one about in sickness and in health?  You may find yourself curled in the fetal position saying it over and over again when he has a man cold.  Not that I'm speaking from experience, but I hear it helps you get through it. 

8.  Tiny lies won't kill you.  After all, my years of telling my husband that purse or that pair of shoes aren't new hasn't gotten the best of me yet.  Although now I'll need to look for a new line (dang!). 

9.  Invest in good bar glasses.  Trust me, you'll take up drinking as though it is the latest hobby so you may as well do it in style.  I hear it helps you sleep restfully. 

10.  Always laugh.  While he's sure to drive you crazy, I'm willing to bet even in his most annoying moments, he'll make you laugh like mad.  And that's when all those times escape from your memory and you're filled with pure joy. 

Seriously, when we got married, I loved this photo.  Now when I look at it, as we approach our 15 year wedding anniversary, all I see is a dress that is not at all fashionable by today's standards and quite possibly the one and only time my husband kissed me in front of other people.  Then, you're reminded of your vows.  Aside from that honor and obey crap (oh wait, you didn't say obey) it truly is for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.   Yet, it is always 100% worth it.  He is often the sanity to my craziness.  The Fin to my Rachel.  The mixer of drinks to my empty bar glass.  You get my drift.  

Speaking of worse, I just handed over the remote for yet another episode of Swamp People.  Where did I put those new bar glasses?