Bullies

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"Courage is fire and bullying is smoke."

~ Benjamin Disraeli

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Bullies suck!  Being a girl sucks even more.  I knew reading the book "Odd Girl Out" would someday serve me well, even before I knew I would be the mother of two girls.  After the second day of giving Maddie a pep talk just to get her out the door to camp, I'm quite literally exhausted.  I've vowed today that neither she nor I will cry about this anymore. 

Why blog about this, you may be asking?  I've pondered it myself.  After trying to work this out in my own head I've turned to what most writers do, I write about it!  If you are reading this and think your child hasn't been bullied, you are likely wrong.  If you are reading this and think your child isn't doing the bullying, see me and I can tell you exactly who is tormenting my daughter.  

I recently stumbled on these bullying statistics online and that's what sealed the deal that I needed to blog about this.  It happens and I'm not trying to raise my children in a world where I can make them believe this doesn't or won't ever happen.  Simply put, it's wrong.  Have an adult conversation with your child today.  If we all did that and stopped this from happening, imagine the world our children COULD grow up in.  

  • 1 out of 4 kids is Bullied.  The American Justice Department says that this month 1 out of every 4 kids will be abused by another youth.  
  • Surveys Show That  77%  of students are bullied mentally, verbally, & physically.
  • In a recent study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied. And 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse.
  • 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."
  • 8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
  • 43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
  • More youth violence occurs on school grounds as opposed to on the way to school.
  • Playground statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention - 4%. Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.
This all started two days ago when Maddie asked me if it was a swim day at camp.  I told her no it wasn't and she began crying and told me she didn't think she really wanted to go to camp that day.  This is not like her.  We joke she is part fish and would swim any chance she could get.  Suddenly she didn't want to swim.  What's hardest is I knew exactly why she didn't want to swim and it was for the very same reason I didn't want to go to school on gym day when I was her same age.  I had hoped and prayed my children would never have to endure this but that just wasn't reality. 

So, deep breath and I hopped right in.  I told her that she is beautiful and that mommy knows how she feels because the same thing happened to me.  But to look what a success her mommy is today and that I never let the bullying get to me.  I gave her tips for using her "stern" voice to tell these girls teasing her to "Stop it now!"  Before I knew it, I was using the typical, "don't let them see they've gotten to you or they will win and bullies never win."  Being the mom of the year I am, I even threw in that she'd be their boss someday so she could get her revenge then.  I know....I know....not what I should have done.  But I was so angry and she was crying...I was crying...and I simply wanted it to just go away.  Having been bullied myself nearly my entire life until I finally reached high school and punched my tormentor straight in the face, I knew it wouldn't go away.  I'm not quite ready to show her how to throw a punch yet and would prefer she not use that tactic as I did. 

Today began much the same way.  She didn't want to swim again.  I tried giving idea after idea and resolution after resolution, but it comes down to the fact that Maddie doesn't want to make this worse for herself.  She doesn't want to tell.  She doesn't want to make anyone mad.  She doesn't want to alienate herself.  She doesn't want to show them they got to her.  And I love her tremendously for that.  So, I showed her how to dress herself in her swimsuit so no one would see her body and make fun of her.  A tip I also taught myself.  I then showed her how to undress in the same fashion I would when I was her age.  I told her exactly what to say the next time she was teased.  I showed her exactly how to react and what to do.  These were all things I'd hoped I wouldn't have to do as a parent, but I do. 

My discussions with my daughter didn't solely involve feeling bad for her.  I also asked if she ever said mean things to other kids.  We discussed at length how very wrong that is if she does.  We talked about friends and making good choices.  We laughed, we cried, we hugged.  I sent her off today hoping it helped and that she would see she's more than these mean words girls use with her.  She will ALWAYS be so much more. 

She's brave and I know she'll make it.  Perhaps I'm not mom of the year, but this certainly did make me feel like I'm getting closer - one day at a time.   

Comments

  1. KrisJuly 19, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Oh Amy, I totally teared up reading this. You are doing a fantastic job with her. I remember being so ashamed of being teased, like there was something that was wrong with me. I wish I had the courage that Maddie has.

    You're doing great.

    ReplyDelete

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