Goin' To The Chapel

 

I love being married. 

It's so great to find that one

special person you want to

annoy for the rest of your life. 

 

~Rita Rudner

 

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This weekend, my nephew, I'll call him Q, is getting married.  I still can't believe it.  Not overly interested in dating all growing up, we were shocked when we heard about his lovely fiance, let's call her B.  They are like peanut butter and jelly, wine and cheese, a hamburger patty and a bun, Simon and Garfunkel - better together than they are apart.  I truly believe everyone should have the pleasure of finding that one person you are meant to spend a lifetime with and enjoy every minute of it.  In honor of their wedding, I'm going to bring out somewhat of an oldie, but a goodie.  My advice, written in a previous blog post, on marriage.  Don't worry, I made edits so it's like it's all shiny and new again! 

This was my original advice given to Kate Middleton before that highly hyped royal wedding.  I give it now to you Q & B.  Read carefully, I'm fairly sure this is advice you have not received.

1. Buy a cookbook and a slow cooker. You'll start off oh so happy to be married and serve your spouse's every need.  Then reality sits in and you find yourself with nothing but frozen chicken, a can of some sort of creamy soup and absolutely no ambition to cook.

2. Let your spouse have hobbies. After all, one gets out of the house and you get to rule the remote! There will come a day when you believe if you are forced to watch one more episode of Swamp People, you will either become one incredibly cranky spouse or an alcoholic.

3. Have your mother visit. If she's anything like mine, she'll do your laundry, clean your dirty house and help you regain your sanity.

4.  Spend time apart from time to time. Again, you get to rule the remote and if your spouse is gone overnight, the entire bed to yourself. This is a luxury you won't want right now but trust me, you will. Allow it to happen before you begin to imagine yourself smothering your spouse with a pillow in the middle night just to stop the snoring so you can have one night of restful sleep.  I'm just saying.  Not that I've ever really thought that.  I must have read about that somewhere. 

5.  Leverage appliances. After all B, there is a good chance that for the rest of your married life, you will be the one using them predominantly. If you must suffer that consequence, at least get the ones with all the bells and whistles.  You'll thank me for this later.   

6. Never go to bed mad. While you secretly want your spouse to be consumed by the reason you are upset, I guarantee you it will turn out to be one or the other's best night of sleep ever. Meanwhile, the other will worry enough for the both of you and likely be the only one losing sleep.

7. Remember your vows. Yep, remember that one about in sickness and in health? You may find yourself curled in the fetal position saying it over and over again when one of you is sick.  Particularly in times of the man cold.   Not that I'm speaking from experience, but I hear it helps you get through it.  What is this man cold I hear others speak of? 

8. Tiny lies won't kill you. After all, my years of telling my husband that purse or that pair of shoes aren't new hasn't gotten the best of me yet. Although now I'll need to look for a new line (dang!).

9. Invest in good bar glasses. Trust me, you'll take up drinking as though it is the latest hobby so you may as well do it in style. I hear it helps you sleep restfully.

10. Always laugh. While your spouse will, at times, drive you crazy, I'm willing to bet even in their most annoying moments, they'll make you laugh like mad. And that's when all those times escape from your memory and you're filled with pure joy.

Seriously, when we got married, I went ape shit over this photo.   That may be putting it lightly.  Now when I look at it, as we approach our 17 year wedding anniversary, I laugh.  That stupid watch!   Here we are, right after the wedding, beautiful wedding ring pose and there's that Ironman watch I told him to remember to take off!   This is another one of those times you're reminded of your vows.  Aside from that honor and obey crap it truly is for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. Yet, it is always 100% worth it.  Dad of the year is often the sanity to my craziness. The Fin to my Rachel. The mixer of drinks to my empty bar glass. You get my drift.

Speaking of worse, I just handed over the remote for yet another episode of Swamp People. Where did I put those new bar glasses?