When Did Parenting Stop Being Cute?

Parenting is an impossible task at any age.

- Harrison Ford

Every day, one thing I rarely forget to do is check my Timehop. Memories are big for me, and I love looking back at favorite moments. Lately, there's been a consistent theme popping up. I was funny! I stress...WAS. Not the tell a joke and laugh kind of funny. The kind where you just talk about your life and it makes you laugh. Like that time I was trying to scold #1 and she told me she didn't like my attitude. She was 5.  Even this month marks the birth of the phrase we've used many times since in our household, "You're killin' me smalls!" No, not original, but it reminds me of the precise moment we started calling #2 Smalls, which we still do to this day.

I don't feel very funny anymore. This started me on the path of exploring, why? I certainly don't feel like I've changed nor that life has. Then it hit me, parenting just isn't cute anymore.

When the girls were younger, they could easily spout something that made you roll. They were exploring the world and finding their way. Bottles and coos were adorable. Even spit up and dirty diapers could bring a smile from time to time. The truth is, we are now in the thralls of a teenager and pre-teen. They are navigating the world in new ways. Where we once giggled about toddlers dressing themselves or funny new phrases, as parents we're now faced with friend drama, navigating relationships, struggling with emotions, and the pressures of growing up. Somewhere along the way, those topics lost humor, if they ever had any.  

I don't want to say parenting got serious, but I guess the daily issues did. Where I could once laugh off a scraped knee or a minor embarrassing moment, I can't relieve the sadness over a friend who won't talk to you anymore or feelings that your body doesn't look like the other girls with humor. Parenting did get serious, and fast. 

It's so easy to get bogged down with real-life issues. I've heard them all from my mom-friends. Drug and alcohol abuse, self-harm, depression, suicide attempts, pressures of unrealistic perfection; when did we move from learning our ABC's to just surviving? No wonder parenting lost its funny. When I lost my funny, I stopped writing. After all, who wanted to hear about the serious side of parenting? That wouldn't be painting an accurate picture of being on this endless pursuit. Picture it like a winding road at times lined with trees that block out the sun and you can't see what's coming around the corner. Then you round the bend and it opens up into an endless stretch of beautiful sunshine. 

The truth is, I miss the days when I could make a joke and relieve a tense situation.  Yes, I've been there, but trying to help your children navigate what is, to you, familiar waters isn't easy. They see you as disconnected, unable to understand, even old. You know you are living proof of the phrase "this too shall pass," yet it doesn't matter. It's difficult to fight the feelings of failure as you long for those simple days of running out of diapers and someone had a blow out. 

What we can do is lean on each other. We can talk about the times that aren't cute like we talked about the days that were. Sharing our stories as easily as we did that time we walked around all day with poop on our arm and didn't know it. As parenting gets a little less in the sweet and easy-going stage, it doesn't mean we also alienate ourselves because we find we're in that place that seems a little dark. 

It's a reminder it truly is an endless pursuit, for what we are seeking is constantly changing. The paths our children travel will differ. All we can do is try our best, offer support, and be good humans to each other. For any day, we could round that bend and feel the sunshine. It's there, we just have to be ready to embrace it.